Archive for the ‘Cosmopolis’ Category


Films should not be painful to sit through.  You should not have to look around the theater to see if anyone else is awake during one.  You shouldn’t feel that you’ve wasted your money because there is absolutely no entertainment involved.  David Cronenberg’s Cosmopolis is one of the worst movies I have ever seen.  I have hard time believing anyone could look at the film any other way than for what it is.  Crap.

Before I get in to it, yes I understand what the film was about.  Yes I understood within the first five minutes that Robert Pattinson’s billionaire character Eric Packer is part of the one percent.  He is a robot.  He is so far removed from the public that it is a joke.  I got it.  I got it right away, and then it was beaten in to my head for 100 minutes while people babbled on screen about god knows what.  Here’s a sample between Eric and his wife that he encounters along the way:

Eric:  “I need a haircut.”

Elise:  “Do you need a haircut?”

Eric: “I need anything you can give me.”

Elise: “Be nice.”

Eric: “I need all the meanings of the in-flamed.”

Elise: “Be nice to me.”

The entire film is filled with this dry, nonsensical talk.  It is pretentious horse-shit, based off the pretentious book of the same name.  Garbage.  Oh how profound.

Eric drives around town in his stretch limo and wants to get a haircut from his barber.  The problem is that the city is in turmoil while the President is visiting.  He’s stuck in a traffic jam, and riots begin breaking out all around the comfort of his grandiose limousine.   Eric doesn’t care.  Eric needs a haircut.   He stops at times during the course of his journey to meet up with random people.  These people advise him on the growing concern over foreign currency, have sex with him, and make him realize that he is losing everything in the course of a day.  Eric sees the world in numbers.  He sees dollar signs.  He buys jet planes.  Eric fucks who he wants, when he wants.  Eric is part of the 1%.  Eric is boring.  I get it.

Pattinson is being praised for his acting, but only because he’s a terrible actor.  He shows no emotion.  If this film came out 20 years ago Keanu Reeves would be in the starring role because he’s just as bad an actor.  Nothing happens in Cosmopolis.  There are no characters that matter.  They are just walking, talking, nothings, in a world consumed by power and greed.  I don’t care about any of them….”But that’s the point!”  Yeah I know.  I get it.  Point taken.

Eric is going bankrupt, but he will never be able to understand how the 99% live their lives.  Even if he loses everything that doesn’t make him one of them.  It makes him class-less.  He will live in a world of nothingness.  That’s why he begins to self-destruct.  I understand what David Cronenberg was trying to do here, and I love the majority of his films.  Just not this one.  It fails at every turn.  It’s not a good film.  It’s just not.  I’m just glad Pattinson got that haircut in the end.

Grade: F