Archive for the ‘Canyons; The’ Category

The Canyons

The Canyons.pngThe long slow train wreck that is Lindsey Lohan has led us to this.  A Paul Schrader directed, Bret Easton Ellis scribed  erotic thriller…with no thrills…and really bad eroticism.  Lohan stars alongside porn star James Deen as a couple who enjoy finding sexual partners to have escapades with on Craigslist.

Deen plays big shot producer Christian, and Lohan is his girlfriend of a year Tara.  Tara and Deen like to be creepy and weird and things get even weirder when Tara’s ex-boyfriend Ryan jumps in the mix.  Ryan is working on a movie that Christian is producing, but Christian has no idea that Tara and Ryan used to date.  There is still love between the two it seems, and we will see that love unfold over the course of 100 minutes of nonsense.

What’s actually really ironic is the fact that Lohan, of all people, actually turns in a decent performance.  It’s not great believe me, but she may remain of the list of nominees for a Razzie award.  James Deen just looks around and pouts the entire time, but I wasn’t really expecting much from the guy who helped a Teen Mom gain some negatively positive publicity. I will say this Nolan Funk who plays Ryan is actually pretty good, and I’ve been impressed with his work in the past in shows such as Awkward.  

The film was made through the change that Schrader and Ellis found underneath the couch cushions in their respective homes I believe.  It’s so poorly directed, acted, and written it feels like the entire thing was written, shot and conceived in the time it takes to order a coffee at Starbucks.

The biggest travesty of the film is the fact that you have Schrader and Ellis teaming up to create this piece of garbage.  Schrader wrote Taxi Driver for pete’s sake!  Ellis is one of my favorite authors of all time, but it seems with age he becomes less and less reliable.  The characters play exactly like many characters from the Easton Ellis universe should, but the problem is they don’t do anything and their motivations make zero sense.  The film itself actually makes zero sense.

Here you have easily the worst film of the year, and it’s definitely working it’s way towards winning the worst film of the decade list.  This is complete garbage.

Grade: F